I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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