You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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