My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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