I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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