I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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