Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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