Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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