well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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