$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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