I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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