it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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