i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
