While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
