I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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