he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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