ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
