You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
