I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Say something about gay babies.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
