Will you blow on my dice?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
