i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
