im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Threesome in a minivan. New low
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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