did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
