You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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