You can't special order awesome
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
