Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
