I accidentally burped into my bong.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My vagina is very pro this idea
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
