this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
