I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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