I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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