areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
