So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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