He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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