Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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