I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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