The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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