it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
