she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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