i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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