I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
