You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
