everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do vagina's smell?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
