She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
