Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So squirting runs in the family.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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