I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
