his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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