but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
