She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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