The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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