WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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