i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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