u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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