true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think your dad took our porno
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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