I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The struggles of a small town man whore
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
