we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
