perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
