So drunk its hurt
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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