i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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