I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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