Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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