I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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