Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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