Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
