I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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