guys are only as good as the porn they watch
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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