I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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