Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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