Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize