im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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