i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
