I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
