I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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