You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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