for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
