I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
