hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
