Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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